I just reread my last post and I chuckled.
I took that relationship more seriously than it deserved. If I am being honest, it was a ticking time bomb and I am so utterly grateful my ex saw the light because I am obviously a masochistic and I would have stayed for nothing.
You see… I took a blind leap and foolishly believed in faith, hope, love, etc. While it is fine to believe, the foolish factor comes in when you know something or someone is bad for you but you keep at it hoping for some magical change in the future. What is more idiotic is knowing the person refuses to meet you in the middle, but still staying because you saw “potential”. Kid yourself not, unless it is by divine intervention, waiting for “potential” to actualise makes no sense especially if the person is not interested. Do not do this to yourself because it is very bad for your psyche. Bitter truth is — whatever potential you saw might actually exist, however it is just not meant for you because the person does not believe you are worth the effort. You also cannot get upset because no one forced you to stay. You made that choice. As painful as that it to admit, it is reality.
I tried staying friends with my ex for reasons I cannot even recall anymore. However, when I gave a brief account and explained our timeline to a few close friends, I was basically told I am being silly because someone who claims to love you should not hurt you in that manner.
I had my blinders ripped off and I realised that relationship was a very one sided one, but that is not even the worst part. As one sided as it was, it was also heavily emotional and tasking because this person wanted all my love, the highs without the lows, but hardly ever shared their self with me and for some reason I was okay with this warped idea of love. This was the worst part. I foolishly opened myself up to a well guarded door waiting for the day I will get to see the other side. Naturally, that day never came because it was never going to happen. Nobody asked me to wait, though, so I only have myself to blame. While this was painful to realise, it is what helped me finally move on completely. Well, that and my friends constantly berating me for still caring.
I know a major part of me wanted this one to work cause of how much I had messed up in my previous relationship and this is one mistake I am never repeating. Just because you messed up with someone great does not mean you should put up with someone who does not respect you. Never play yourself so poorly. I punished myself because I felt bad that I had hurt someone else. How ridiculous is that?
Now, I know what I want and do not want in a person which I hope will be useful in my next relationship. So im grateful for the experience, at least. It wasn’t 100% bad, it simply just wasn’t right.